Predencia's Blog

Needing to believe

2009-11-06T16:26:00.000-08:00

Been practicing wrist action like crazy. A billion times wouldn't be too many my teacher said. I have to remember that the journey of a thouand miles begins with one step. I found a picture that reminds me of what it's like to trust. This is me being guided blindfolded down a mountain - I'd never abseiled before. If I could trust my guide then; I can trust my teacher now - and most of all trust myself that I can do it. And this picture was taken just 4 days before my wedding!!

2009-11-03T14:18:00.000-08:00

Writing still going well. New poem today plus another verse in my dad's one. After 2 weeks of practicing wrist movements the teacher said I'd been doing it wrong - need to focus more on wrists - not hands. I nearly cried. Good bits - ballet arm positions doing very well. As a result of so much remdial work no more was added to the choreography. SOB! SOB! Will be a miracle it I've mastered this dance in time for the Hafla.

It's back

2009-11-02T14:05:00.000-08:00

Oh Lord I'm writing again. Wrote another verse of my Dad's poem. I feel like I'm getting to know him in a way I'd never imagined. This may sound wierd but when I write I feel he's telling me what it was like for him. (Could be just an over active imagination - even so I'm glad it's back). Been reading more of Lobo's poetry - WOW.

And the belly dance? Got in a good half an hour's practice today. Yes I remember the routine but I'm still woefully inadequate in the execution of the moves. Still, I'll have a chance to display them tomorrow to the teacher. She may well wonder what I've been doing for the last two week.

Memory lane

2009-11-01T06:13:00.000-08:00

Just had a previous resident of my house in B'ham pull up outside the house while I was seeing off the French guy who had come for some help with his psychology assignment. He said he used to live here as a child, moved in 1991. His family moved while he was away at boarding school and he's never been back inside - driven past a few times. The place held very happy memories for him. I invited him in - he was almost in tears as he explained he'd just been to see his mom's grave and what special memories this house had for him. Used to be five siblings (4 boys and a girl) plus parents. He's a nurse now at QE hospital but a bit of a rebel in his younger days - hence the boarding school. Told me there used to be a pear tree at the bottom of the garden with a tree house which was his den. Then he kissed my hand, thanked me, gave me a hug and left. How random is that.

Inspired again

2009-10-31T15:54:00.000-07:00

Tonight I saw 9 poets at the Drum. 4 South Africans and 5 local poets they spent the last week working with. I have simply been inspired to write again. Listening to their amazing tales I realised why I had stopped writing. (I say had because as of tonight I'm writing again). It was because I thought I had nothing to say; thought I had no story worth telling; nothing interesting that I hadn't already said. How wrong I've been. One of the local poets wrote about her name-its origins and how she has grown into it. I can tell a story about my name if I wish. Lebo talked about how she is formed by the strengths and weakenesses of both her parents and what an amazing 'dancer' that makes her. How am I the product of my parents; what have I taken from them; what would I rather have left? Donata focused on children-his own and other peoples -they are the reason we are here he said-its what its all about-without children there would be no point to it all. (Interestingly I read two poems about Miles at WWB today) What else can I write about children? Me who have worked with them and on behalf of them for so long.

Of the four South Africans I was most inspired by Lebogang Mashile. Bought her book and even asked her to sign it. It was the second signed poetry book of the day- one of the WWB members gave me a signed copy of her book today 'for being an inspiring'!!! When did I do that I asked myself (but kept the question to myself).

The other SA poets were Keorapetse Kgositsile, Donata Mattera, and Phillippa Yaa de Villiers. This was the first date of the tour 'Beyond Words'. They are doing the Southbank Centre 4th Nov; Saville Exchange North Sheilds 7th Nov; The Albany London 10th Nov; Contact Manchester 12 Nov; and Bristol Old Vic 15th Nov. Worth seeing if you are anywhere near.

I've spent the day steeped in poetry and now I'm off to write. Halelulah I actually have some subject matter. I have a rich life; I have a story (or is it many stories) to tell.

2009-10-30T16:19:00.000-07:00

Didn't make it to 'The Public' performances tonight. Too hectic a day and I'm chairing the Writers Without Borders meeting tomorrow morning - plus going to the South African poets performances at the Drum in the night.

Met one of my neighbours carer as he was leaving tonight. Got chatting to him - he's doing an access course in health and social care, has an assignment he's struggling with, asked me if I knew anything about psychology and lo and behold I've ended up helping him with his assignment via email tonight. As if I didn't have enough on my plate.

He said I was sent by God - maybe I was jsut in bvthe wrong place at the wrong time. That'll teach me to keep my big mouth shut.

Breathing space

2009-10-29T14:53:00.000-07:00

Got a letter from the court today - the new hearing has been set for 22 January next year. It will be a relief not to have to think about it before or over Christmas.

Did some bellydance practice today and was surprised at how much the muscles are remembering. I can coordinate both floreos arms (even if I have to count 1-2-3-4 over and over again. Pretty pleased with myself. Got some lovely comments from a friend who watched the wedding performance on YOUTUBE. Its encouraging me to keep going.

Back in the property and coaching saddle today - hit the ground running after being kept awake till 1 a.m. by a student Haloween party in Kegworth. Who would have thought it! I had to go back to Brum to get some sleep. Did you know that the police no longer have powers to go in and ask noisy neighbours to quieten down - apparently it is now the responsibility of the Local Authority who don't have a 24 hour service and wait till it becomes repetitive before taking action. Fortunately the students were very co-operative when I went and asked them to turn down their music. They were very apologitic and responded quickly. Some interesting Haloween costumes!!

Time out

2009-10-28T15:25:00.000-07:00

I've had to take a couple of days out for R&R. The need became evident when I forgot a lunch date with a friend on Monday. I was in Leamington buying furniture at the time I should have been enjoying a three course lunch (had a sandwich from a garage that day-a poor substitute).

Had to hand deliver the court papers on Monday as the post office couldn't even guarantee the Special Delivery service due to the strikes. I took my coach's advice and actually enjoyed putting the stuff together. It was like a well presented report by the end and I was very pleased with it. Took me back to the days when I did reports on a regular basis.

Spent most of yesterday catching up on social phone calls, reading and sleeping. Today I went to the gym and had the most devine massage. After a leisurely pot of Earl Grey and a muffin I followed the Sutton Bonninton footpath for a while. It was an incredibly lovely autumn afternoon but I set out too late to make it all the way to Sutton Bonnington. A long boat owner told me about 'Deep Lock' and thr history behind it.

All this meant that I didn't make it to my belly dance class this week. Teacher said to keep practicing the floreos and ballet arms. I feel I'm getting them a bit better now as I naturally hold the ballet arms as I take up the dance position.

A couple of opportunities for poetry performance coming up; this Friday at the 'Public' in West Bromwich and again on the 13th Nov. Also going to see a group of South African poets at the Drum on Saturday night. Looked at the BBC My Story site last night - still thinking of a story to write. But I have decided to write one.

Its a juggle between property and performing at the moment and property is definitely winning.

End of an era

2009-10-25T17:17:00.000-07:00

I no longer have any teenagers. Youngest son turned 20 on Thursday and I wasn't invited to his drink in. Complaining to son number 1 he asked 'would you have gone if you'd been invited' 'No I said but it would have been nice to be given the option to refuse' 'I guess he couldn't risk the fact that you might have accepted'. So the end of another era. All sons now in their 20s and I don't feel more than 25 myself.

Remembering who we are - and why we came

2009-10-22T16:07:00.000-07:00

Another discussion tonight with one of the housemates reminded me that I am responsible for what happens in my life - that I attract people and situations for the lessons that I need/want to learn. So John, thank you for being in my life, for helping to teach me patience, persistence, and putting it in writing. Complaining to my coach about the inconvenience of having to sort out the court papers he simply said - and what is your learning? What if you were to view this situation differently. What if you were able to relax into it and simply observe the process with curiosity. Then it is not a chore but an opportunity to wonder, to marvel and to learn. I was reminded why I pay this man.

Apparently Neale Donald Walsh has a new book out for children that explain in simple language and concept the interconnectedness of us all. Didn't even know he wrote children's books but it sounded good. Must have a look.

Have been trying social networking - reactivated my Facebook account to find several requests for friendship - have now accepted them all. Not quite sure how to send them messages though.

Letting go

2009-10-21T14:46:00.000-07:00

Added new bits to the choreography - locks and dramatic arm movements. Spent half the lesson on ballet arms. Apparently my wrist actions are getting better - still a long way to go though. I'm becoming more motivated to put in the practice - I think the muscles are laying down memory. I listen to the song over and over again. Its a good thing no one else shares my car and the brilliant thing is I can now match the moves to the music in my head. I'm constantly doing the dance in my head.

Had meeting with S today about being 'stuck' with my writing. I thought it was because I am so happy and most of the stuff I have written about is dark. Turns out its because I'm afraid of not being good enough. Now where has that been lurking. Need to start sharing my work again, the good, the bad and the ugly. I've had three invites to perform. I''ve been very reluctant recently but will accept and get back out there on the stage. Need to be like that frog in the David Attenburough programme that just freefalls. I've been a bit too planned recently - need to just let go; surrender to the will of 'God' the Universe, Infinite Intelligence.

Picture is from February 2005, Paradise Island, Bahamas. How carefree is that hanglider? Need to remember every day that life can be like this.

2009-10-17T12:03:00.000-07:00

When in doubt first consult your inner guide - and then have a reading. I did kinda know what I had to do before I went for the reading on Tuesday but it was good to have it confirmed. Basically the message was to seek legal advice and stand my ground. I sought legal advice which was indeed good advice. So I feel a lot more confident as to how to complete the statement. But at the end of the day I have to follow my conscience. In fact the reading was more focused on other aspects of my life - apparently its ok keep bellydancing. If nothing else its good for the figure.

So I went for my lesson on Wednesday afternoon and spent nearly 30 minutes learning how to rotate my wrists and another 30 minutes working on downward undulations. The lesson was over so quickly we didn't have time to add anymore to the choreography. Not sure if I'm going to be good enough to perform at the Hafla in December - though my teacher Dawn keeps assuring me that I will be. I've been using every spare moment to practice the wrists movements as they are the least embarassing to do in public. Had the gym to myself for a while today - mirrors galore so was able to go through the routine a couple of times. Then kind of undid a lot of the good work at the gym by going out for lunch at a fab little pub outside Melbourne. Can't rememebr the name of the pub but they've got huge wine glasses and lovely food. Worth going back just for the glasses. Discovering some of the beautiful vilages in Derbyshire - on the doorstep!!

Love and Forgiveness

2009-10-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

What gorgeous weather for this time of year. My brother pointed out how little light pollution there is in Kegworth compared to a big city. I hadn't noticed for I rarely look up at the stars. Him and his family really enjoyed watching the DVD (particularly as there was so much of them in it). I've been re-reading Marianne Williamson's 'A return to Love' and marvelling at the power of love and forgiveness. There is no problem that cannot be solved when we surrender it to God. Need a lot of practice.

Dr Martin Luther King Jr.

2009-10-10T15:43:00.000-07:00

This morning I was grappling with the problem of how to respond to the court case and was taken back to an observation by Dr Martin Luther King Junior which I have on my wall.

Cowardice asks the question - is it safe?
Expediency asks the question - is it politic?
Vanity asks the question - is it popular?
But conscience asks the question - is it right?
And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it BECAUSE it is RIGHT.

There have been times in my life when I've felt I've had to act in a way that felt right for me; and that must be the case here. Whatever the outcome I must be able to look myself in the eye in the mirror and know that I have not compromised my integrity. I will do whatever the judge instructs if we cannot come to an agreement out of court - but whatever - I must know I have acted with integrity.

The sun came out as though to say 'Amen'. I feel incredibly fortunate to be so close to beautiful countryside in Kegworth. A two hour walk along the river this afternoon was perfect. My brother and his family are coming tomorrow and I've spent time making curry mutton, jerk chicken and apple crumble. And the belly dance? About 10 minutes of hand practice. I'm strugling to get the downward undulations right - I just look like I need to go to the toilet.

Champney Springs

2009-10-09T13:59:00.000-07:00

A relaxing day despite the conveyor belt approach. The approach to the reception is very unusual - you walk across a bridge above a fish pond filled with brightly coloured fish with fountians playing tuneful jets. And as the tension begins to drain out of you its very quickly replaced by the barrage of information about all the features of the place. Where the spa is, where the gym is, where the Thalassotheraphy pool is, where to go for your treatment, how to wait in the room with your surname initial, where lunch is served, what time to check out, how to add purchases to your tab etc, etc. When the informer had gone we both looked at each other shell shocked. 'I feel like I've done a day's work' I said. 'Information overload' Andrew agreed as he sank back into the luxurious settee; one of the many reserved for day guests. We munched on fruit coctails and craved ginger stem biscuits.

We managed to find the Thallasotherapy pool which was no less military style; being told when to move from jet to jet, when to sit on the bubble bed (blissful and I could have stayed there all day). If you ever use this pool be ware the jets that massage the back and sides. If you're wearing a low cut suimsuit it can pull the top down and leave you unintentionally topless.

First experience of an aromatherapy wrap; skin brushed, oils smoothed on, foil wrapped over and tucked in under my chin (yes I now know how a turkey feels) and left to cook on a heated bed. Where I had it over the turkey though is that I had my feet massaged while I gently broiled. But again it was over all too quickly 25 minutes is not long enough to really go deep, but I would love to have this again for an hour.

Lunch was all healthy stuff and beautifully presented; even had a chef cooking veg tortilla to order. Felt very virtuous until about 4 o'clock when we headed for the cafe and tucked into muffins (we tried to mitigate this out by having green tea). And so the last two hours passed in those beautifully soft settees reading and jsut being together. It's good to turn the phones off for a day.

And the belly dance practice? Hand movements in the Jacuzzi - a few strange stares but do I care?

Taking a break

2009-10-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought life would beocme so hectic again. The hen night reunion was fabulous. It was like having a DVD night - but we were starring in the film. Unfortunately the bridesmaid couldn't make it as she was ill. Shame as she was heavily featured. It was good to use our cards, books and numerology to track our progress in life and find out so much more about ourselves. Thanks for the Osho Zen cards A. Love the way they invite you to think.

Used my SATNAV for the first time on Sunday as Andrew refused to drive to the christening (after dropping some of my friends back to Brum on Sat night) Not as bad as I thought - used it again today to get to Oldbury for tiles. Lovely christening although we just about made it to the church in time. Eats at Kenilworth Cricket Ground. Beautiful sunny and warm day - seems we are getting July's weather now. It's been a long time since I felt the need to have a kip in the afternoon but he settee saw a lot of me on Sunday afternoon/night.

Went to court on Tuesday - judge a bit miffed that stuff from my blog was being used - could not see the relevance and said he had no wish to wade through pages of irrelevance. Neither of us filled in the statements properly so he wasn't best pleased. A new hearing will be set in November - which will allow me sufficient time to respond to the plaintiff's statement (unlike last time). Think I'll use a lawyer for the next hearing. Plus for the day was a lovely meal at in the Jewellery Quarter and a large glass of Servignon Blanc while we waited for the traffic out of town to die down.

Andrew putting in some manic hours and I've just realised today that I've either been trying to match him or feeling guilty that I'm not. We're both taking a break tomorrow - going to Champney Springs for a relaxing spa day (wedding present); massage plus two other treatments; lunch and our phones turned off. Really looking forward to it.

Working on bellydance routine - lots of hand moves - it's all in the wrists.

Hen's reunited

2009-10-02T17:07:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow the hen night possee come together to view photos, DVD, drink wines, coctails, eat savories and sweets and relive the day (and night). The house is cleaned, the albums sorted and the curry mutton cooked. It will be supplemented by some samosas, veg curry, and maybe a chocolate cake. There should be about 10 of us and there should be some laughs. Need some sleep as we've got a christening on Sunday morning.

Delayed Telegraph

2009-10-01T16:34:00.000-07:00

While searching for something completely different last night I just found this link to the Daily Telegraph's article on our wedding. If you didn't manage to get a paper on the day (or didn't want to spend £1.99 just to see a few words about us) here's your chance. Mind you - it's not the full article - there were more pictures in the mag.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/5988858/Summer-weddings-reflecting-different-cultures.html

Belly Dance Progress

2009-09-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

All good bellydancers must have some presence on the web and apart from my tentative attempts on my website I am now on YouTube! Hurray! The wedding bellydance is finally posted by the videographers. You can watch it at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yo_30l44LoY

They've only put up the veiled dance. The raunchier Shakira one (which so embarassed my boys) willbe posted on my website in the portfolio section - waiting for Andrew to do that for me but he's so busy just now....

So how has my first week been? Dedided to keep paper journal as I have a big enough handbag to carry one - laptop doesn't quite fit my bag. Viewed loads of flamenco style dances to see if there are any moves I'd like to incorporate in my dance; eventually after seeing a dance by my teacher decided on; square turns, penatgon turns, fireny walk, zig zag hot backs, cash steps, shoulder and hip shimmies, floreos, knee raises and a fair bit of skirt ruffling. I was sent home to practice upward and downward undulations and piston hips (which involve an amazing amount of glutes work) Have been given specific glutes exercised - my I'm going to have a tight arse. Need to lose about 7 pounds if I'm really going to look the part (how quickly it shot back on after the wedding).

On another performance matter. Passed up the opportunity to perform at a Black History Month event on October 10th as that weekend is a social whirl with a bit of R&R at Champney Springs thrown in. It's all very exciting . Being Mrs Dixon is much more fun than I expected.

Back on the creative path

2009-09-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

I'm always amazed at the time gap between post. I think its a week or so and when I come to write again find it two or even three weeks. In the last few weeks I've had a birthday - very low key coming so close on the heel of the high profile wedding. We had a hot stone massage; our first one-and a wedding gift. The stones were beautiful and I must confess to being very impressed with Banatynes in Brindley Place where we had it. One of my sons joined us for dinner in one of the Italians restarants in Brindley Place. He was working early the next day and Andrew was driving so I was forced to drink most of the two bottles of Survignon Blanc by myself. And was really surprised when the waiting staff who found out it was my birthday brought me a candle in my dessert and all gathered to sing me happy birthday.

I had a most amazing reading at the mind, body, spirit fair at the Council House in Birmingham on Saturday from a guy called Ian on the 'Lizian' stand. Apparently I need to get back into my creative activities and from my last birthday I come into a most 'progressive' phase - roughly translated means I can do anything I set my mind to. SO I've set my mind on becoming an international bellydancer!! Well, if the man is right it should be possible.

So this is where the creative path come back into the blog. I've agreed with my bellydance teacher to learn a dance to be performed solo at the next Hafla. I enjoyed the performance at the wedding so much that I have a real taste for solo performance. To keep me on track and to chart my progress I'm going to keep a diary (Diary of an International Bellydancer) may even do it on line. There's a mixture of fear and excitement at this prospect but if my chances of acheiveing whatever I want in the next 6-7 years are so greatly increased why not go for it?

WE GOT THE WEDDING DVD yesterday. I've watched it 3 times. It is fab and was certainly worth the wait. I saw so much that I didn't on the day. I can't get over how much laughter there was- how happy everyone appeared and how much fun we had. Everyone was so beautiul - so proud of my boys.

So - my next performance will be at the Christmas Hafla in Sutton. I just have to perfect the dance - watch this space!!

Dear John

2009-09-09T15:36:00.000-07:00

If you are reading this please know that I hold you in a place of love. Whatever has gone on between us, however acrimonious it may have felt to you; please know that I have always trusted that the outcome will be a fair and just one. Please go in peace.

2009-09-05T15:08:00.000-07:00

Two weeks since I last blogged and it feels like two days. Where does the time go? Loads have happened since which I'm sure I'll get round to writing about when I have a bit more time. And yet no news from the contractor taking me to court. If you're reading this - what's going on? Please send me a reply to my email.

Been sorting out the photo albums/books/dvds/cd. Takes ages. Now have absolutely fantastic collage on wall. A1 size beautifully framed. Also got some really lovely frames from Debenhams for wall pictures of me, Andrew and the guys. Managed to deliver a few framed pictures of friends to them and and little personalised albums to bridesmaid, ushers and bestman (back in the UK for a few days before jetting off back to New York).

Went to a performance workshow with WWB today. Made relaize how far I've drifted from the performing world - haven't done any writing in ages - so decided to book myself into a poetry workshop the day before my birthday. Wedding hardly over and having to think about what to do for my birthday. Current options. Party at home...Glee Club....Dinner with Andrew....Girls night in...Dinner out with friends...Still thinking about it.

Live right for your type

2009-08-22T16:21:00.000-07:00

I've been introduced to a new diet (or rather a way of life) based on blood type. It's by a guy called Peter D'Abalo and basically says that there are certain personality traits that can be attributed to our blood types and certain foods that affect the different blood types in different ways. Andrew and I are trying it out. Basically he has to steer clear of wheat, dairy and various grains and pulses. I have to steer clear of chicken (sob! sob!) avocado (more sobs) cashews (how am I going to survive) and corn in all its forms. Be a bit of a blow when I go to the cinema tomorrow.

There are loads of avoids of things I've taken for granted such as tomatoes, cucumber, soya and even pumpkin. What to bulk out soup with now as lentil are also off the menu. We're going to start properly tomorrow and see where we get to. The diet is supposed to help you live longer, deal with a multitude of ailments (if you have them) and give you loads more energy. I'll let you know hiw it goes.

Fusion

2009-08-18T14:39:00.001-07:00

Got the passport. After days of chasing around to get proof of address at the banks, doctors and optitians all they asked to see on the day was my marriage licence. It took four hours and £114.00 and I walked out of the office in Peterborough with a new passport. Mrs Dixon it is now - an e-passport and a picture that makes me look like a criminal (no smiles allowed).

It feels great to be getting back into performing. Did a bellydance workshop on Sunday with Dawn O'Brien on two different styles - Fusion and American Folk something. It was so good my friend and I booked some private sessions with her and had the first one tonight. It's so different having someone making sure your posture is right, that the moves are being done correctly and to have time to drill the moves to build muscle memory.

Have to find a way to fuse bellydance and poetry on stage - can I do it by the end of November for 'Positively Red'?

Ups and downs?

2009-08-13T13:56:00.000-07:00

Trying to get a passport in a hurry. The passport office will do a one day service for a change of name (even though it says otherwise on their website). Can't believe how difficult it was to get my bank (Barclays) to print me a satement on headed paper in the branch. Apparently it is not permissible to do that - should go through head office and take 3-4 working days. Had to get the manager to sanction it after an extremely 'jobs worth' assistant assured me it couldn't be done. No one at the doctor's surgery could print on headed paper except the secretary - and she goes home at 3.30 p.m. Heaven preserve us from beauracracy!!

What else not going to plan? The full Wedding DVD will not be ready for another 4 weeks (as there is rather a lot of footage to edit) so plan for girlie night to watch it will have to be mid September - nearly two months after the event!!

What nice is happening? The collage of photos of the day arrived very quickly and looks great. My bridesmaid made me a lovely album of the event which included pictures from trying on the dress in the shop, the hen night, pictures from the morning before we even begun to get dressed, the siute we stayed in including the stunning views, some unusual shots of the rest of the day and pictures of the Sunday morning. I was touched - almost cried - by her thoughtfulness. I've been circulating the DVD of evening pictures, set to music, and getting great comments.

Rediscovering the splendid guidance of the Tarot. Spotted a Tarot Bible last week and have been working my way through it. It is extremely comprehensive. Love it and getting great guidance. Main message - relax and go with the flow.