I spent the day looking at things that I have taken for granted, not given a second thought to, not realizing how much value judgement I'd imbued everything with. For example, on the drive back on the M42, I recognised that the signs I'd hitherto thought I felt nothing about suddenly had meaning. I realized I made associations with the places to which the signs directed us, the cameras, the warning messages, all had meaning. I begun to wonder if others in their cars saw what I saw, and were they even aware that on some level they were giving meaning to the bare trees they passed, the green grass, each other's cars, the lorries.

I looked at the walls in my house and saw that they meant more than I had ever appreciated, as did the doors, the windows, the floor. In the world I see around me nothing is neutral, and I have given them whatever meaning they have.

When our belly dance teacher announced tonight that she was ceasing teaching I felt bereft, as though the rug had been pulled out from under me. I looked around and saw that others shared my interpretation of her leaving. I guess those who would not miss her had already voted with their feet and left. Those of us who turned up week after week would now have a hole in our lives that she filled each week on a Wednesday night. I tried to see it as an opportunity to try something or someone new, but my thought were very firmly rooted in my loss. My thoughts are showing me cause to grieve instead of cause to explore. I feel very sad tonight.

Photo: Belly dance class performance